Have you ever made a bucket list? Have you ever THOUGHT of making a bucket list? I haven’t, and here’s why. I never like to think about death. I know that sounds pretty freaking obvious, but hear me out for a bit. It’s hard for me to list things I want to do “before I die” because I just want to live while I’m alive. hahaha sounds like a Bon Jovi song I know.
Since experiencing postpartum depression with Brando, I feel more aware of my life, and realize that I need to not just have a desire to live in the moment, but prepare for the future and make myself some real goals.
Visiting this wall in Downtown Saint Pete with my sister, who is also battling depression was really meaningful to me today. While the chalk didn’t work, and I hadn’t really prepared an answer that settled with me the right way, it still made me think.
In this wall stands so many different stories, so many different goals (ex: sleep with a 27 year old…Sing like Whitney…Find Myself…), so many different people. Yet we all shared a common experience at that wall, we all stopped and thought, and even if they were meaningless, we all for a brief moment- felt our own mortality. So while I couldn’t just think of ONE thing to put on a wall, I made a list.
Before I Die…
I will visit France.
I will watch my boys fall in love with someone.
I will own a house.
I will read Don Quixote.
I will get the “Rules of Attraction” tattoo I’ve been wanting.
I will get down to my goal weight (at least once just to say I did it and know that experience for myself.)
I will make macaroons.
I will look up.
I will visit my grandfather’s grave.
I will write my book.
I will not stop loving, ever.
While I know there’s so much more than this list that I want out of my life. It’s nice to have some goals to reach for. I feel like all of these things are things I’m capable of achieving, and I look forward to checking all these things on my list one day.
What do you want to do before you die?