Before I Die…I want to Live

before i die wall

before i die wall

Have you ever made a bucket list? Have you ever THOUGHT of making a bucket list? I haven’t, and here’s why. I never like to think about death. I know that sounds pretty freaking obvious, but hear me out for a bit. It’s hard for me to list things I want to do “before I die” because I just want to live while I’m alive. hahaha sounds like a Bon Jovi song I know.

beforeidiewall

Since experiencing postpartum depression with Brando, I feel more aware of my life, and realize that I need to not just have a desire to live in the moment, but prepare for the future and make myself some real goals.

before i die wall

Visiting this wall in Downtown Saint Pete with my sister, who is also battling depression was really meaningful to me today. While the chalk didn’t work, and I hadn’t really prepared an answer that settled with me the right way, it still made me think.

before i die wall

In this wall stands so many different stories, so many different goals (ex: sleep with a 27 year old…Sing like Whitney…Find Myself…), so many different people. Yet we all shared a common experience at that wall, we all stopped and thought, and even if they were meaningless, we all for a brief moment- felt our own mortality. So while I couldn’t just think of ONE thing to put on a wall, I made a list.

before i die wall

Before I Die…

I will visit France.
I will watch my boys fall in love with someone.
I will own a house.
I will read Don Quixote.
I will get the “Rules of Attraction” tattoo I’ve been wanting.
I will get down to my goal weight (at least once just to say I did it and know that experience for myself.)
I will make macaroons.
I will look up.
I will visit my grandfather’s grave.
I will write my book.
I will not stop loving, ever.

While I know there’s so much more than this list that I want out of my life. It’s nice to have some goals to reach for. I feel like all of these things are things I’m capable of achieving, and I look forward to checking all these things on my list one day.
before i die wall

What do you want to do before you die?

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