Yes I Scheduled a C-Section.

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Like most expectant mothers, when I found out I was pregnant with Cash I was exhilarated and so excited to give birth. I wasn’t afraid of the pain, I wasn’t worried about induction statistics, and I fully trusted my OB. I was looking forward to getting my epidural and pushing a gorgeous baby out of my tiny area. However, like most birth stories go, nothing went according to plan. I was induced at 41 weeks and after 24 hrs of cervadil, 24 hrs of pitocin, and 12 hours of pushing, my baby boy came to us via c-section.

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I felt awful. Why wasn’t I good enough? Couldn’t I have tried harder? Couldn’t I have been more active in facilitating labor so that I wouldn’t have had to be induced in the first place? There had to have been something I COULD have done where the end result didn’t put me on an operating table and rob me of that bloody/gooey, legit fresh-out-the-womb, skin-to-skin interaction with my child. I had failed as a mother in the very first task I was given.

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When I found out I was pregnant this time around, I knew things would be totally different. I stayed on top of my eating habits, exercised daily, and I’ve had a super healthy pregnancy thus far. Around 14 weeks gestation was when my doctor informed me that because the practice recently had a lethal uterine rupture, they no longer offered their services for VBAC. I was so disappointed. I was faced with two options: find a midwife who would work with limited OB doctor oversight to facilitate a natural delivery, or continue with my very trusted, well-known OB and schedule a c-section for this child.

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I weighed my options and I did do my research. Any facts, statistics, etc, that you want to tell me I ALREADY KNOW. Here’s the thing: I’m most comfortable sticking with my doctor. I’m most comfortable not taking the risk of uterine rupture. I know it’s extremely rare, yes. I know it’s highly unlikely, and I know that there is also a risk associated going under the knife. I know that no matter how hard I try no matter what, any decision I make about this pregnancy has the potential for an unsavory outcome, and THIS is what I feel best about.

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally disappointed that I will never give birth. I’ll never push a baby through my vaginal opening, and I’ll never know what it’s like to labor and immediately have my child in my arms. That is a very disappointing fact for me and I’ve had to deal with it and process this in my own way. But I’ve made the decision that I feel is best for me and my baby, and I’m so tired of other people weighing in negatively as if I’m taking the easy road and not trying hard enough.

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Just like I wouldn’t say “OH NO! You’re doing a TUB BIRTH? Aren’t you worried about hemorrhaging” “Natural birth with a midwife? Let me just tell you how fabulous my OB & Anesthesiologist are and give you their contact info, just in case you change your mind.” I expect that when I tell people my son will be born on a specific date, they will be respectful of the decision that I made. They will respect that I am doing what’s right for me, my body, and my family. Being pregnant is a crazy emotional time, there are so many things to freak out and stress about, being judged by another mom is not going to be one of them for me this time.

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Everyone has a different birth story and no one’s birth is “more brave” or “more meaningful” than another’s because at the end of the day every Mama did just what she knew was right for her and her baby. Every Mama has sacrificed her body for a period of time, lost sleep, been miserably uncomfortable, and has been scared out of her mind that something was going to go wrong at some point. We’re all doing exactly what we’re supposed to for OUR OWN families, and I think it’s high time we start respecting our differences as opposed to forcing our opinions of what’s right on each other.

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I’m having a c-section. I’ll never give birth. And after countless hours of Google searches, baby boards, videos, and blog reading, I’m confident in my choice. I’m not only okay with it, but I’m now actually excited about getting to know the date ahead of time. I’m excited I don’t have to wait for labor. I’m excited that I’ll get to check in to the hospital and have a baby in my arms in just a couple hours, as opposed to having to send out mass updates every few hours. I refuse to feel bad any longer, be judged as if I’m taking the “easy way out”, or live with any remnants of guilt. This is my decision and I’m happy with it.

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Respect,

B

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10 Comments

  1. OK- #1- how did your hair look so amazing in the hospital???
    #2- As you already know, a C-section is NOT the easy way out. Recovery from a C-section is no joke! I get so mad when people make comments like that. My first born wasn’t a planned C-section, but after hours of pushing and nothing happening, the decision was made. I was actually relieved when they told me it was time to go to the operating room! Baby 2 was a planned C-section. I know how rare the ruptures are, but I didn’t want to chance it. And honestly, it was wonderful to know when he would be born and be able to make arrangements and plans beforehand! Best of luck to you next week!!

    1. Thank you Kim! Your words ring all too true! <3 That's basically exactly what happened with my first as well, but I did want to try in the beginning of this pregnancy!

      also- I full on did hair and make-up before I let anyone take pictures of me lol- I spent about an hour in the recovery room where I had my husband help me with hair, and I threw on some make-up while I waited for them to bring my son up to the room from the nursery! I know it seems silly but I think feeling better about how you look actually helps you feel better in general while in the hospital! <3

  2. You did and will give birth. Just not vaginally. Does not make you less of a mom. You like created a new person!! Congrats!!

  3. Nothing drives me more insane than people hating on c-section mamas! My daughter was an emergency c-section. My dr gave me an epidermal so I could start pushing and my daughters heart dropped from it so they instantly knocked me out and cut her out of me… Thankfully she was fine, but Not the most pleasant of birth story…. And definitely not the easy way out like people like to claim c-sections are.

    1. Yes! I understand that c-sections are much more common these days than they once were and the US has the highest c-section rate in the developed world, but that being said we also have MUCH less death during labor/pregnancy than we did 100 years ago! I’m so glad you shared your story and glad your daughter is healthy and happy! <3

  4. The MOST important thing thing is that baby gets to your arms safely! Seems to me;after all your research and much thought and soul searching, thats exactly what you decided was the safest way!!! And thats exactly what good mothers do….be blessed Brittany??

  5. ? I think the bravest thing is owning something or a decision. Whether you decided to attempt VBAC or schedule your c-section you owned the situation, weighed the options, and chose what you felt was the right thing. I’m so proud of you ? I also think your acknowledgement of self-depreciation as a mom is spot on. It doesn’t matter if you have a c-section or vaginal birth, as moms we all are harder on ourselves than anyone.

    PS: LMAO on “Oh let me tell you about my fabulous OB…” Lots of people feel entitled to “better” you. I believe it comes from a good place with good intentions but so many people forget there’s more than one way and not one way is the “right” way

    1. Thank you! Yes that was my point entirely. We all just want to do what’s right for us, while we are the hardest on ourselves, as mother’s I think we can often be entirely too quick to judge other mother’s too, like in an attempt to make ourselves feel better about our own mom guilts? Who knows, but I’m just all about the positivity! <3